The milestones of your past are breadcrumbs to your future
I sometimes wonder where I am going in life and why I feel stuck in the present.
Thinking, maybe even believing that I haven't made any positive changes in life since the last time I appeared stuck. It did not appear as there was any personal growth worth noting that would elevate my present and future. Reoccurring obstacles seemed similar to the past. As though I had never attempted to learn the lesson the first several times it was served.
Often when my thought process starts to spiral believing that I am stuck, I clearly see the limitations I have created, and the contrast of situations are stronger than ever. This happens when I am not living from a space of radical acceptance of who I am and what is.
When I let my environment and other people dictate my life. I have relinquished a large portion of my power to individuals I have subconsciously deemed better than I. Why did my inner being diminish my value and self-respect?
Some how my brain recorded a mental core tape that has my worst thoughts and beliefs of being stuck on replay. My subconscious starts to play the tape on constant repeat. I have come to realize that my thoughts are not the end all be all. They are not reality just my inner judge sitting on her thrown commanding destructive thoughts and promoting fear-based mentality. It is her job. It is my job to coexist with her and defuse her commands. Remove the energy charge from the focus and recharge with new thoughts and re-focus. Thoughts are only seeds that were planted and grew into overgrown weed. If I planted better seeds with my thoughts I could have meadows of beautiful flowers and manifested opportunities.
When I set expectations and it doesn't happen I am painstakingly disappointed and miserable. Seems silly when you think about it. Why would we have expectations of others or situations when we can't predict the outcome? If we didn't have expectations, we would not be disappointed. When we set expectations subconsciously or consciously, we try to control every aspect of our lives.
It's easy to get "stuck" when we only focus on the lacking in our lives or tunnel vision. Sometimes looking towards the future has a sense of loneliness and emptiness that requires immediate actions of gratification to close the gap of lacking. But I find when I remind myself of where I have been it changes my mindset of where I am now.
Looking back I remember when I was a little girl. All my cousins wanted to get married and have children. That was their only dream and aspiration. I wanted to be a worldly woman. I wanted to be a successful well-dressed, career-driven woman, working in the city. Have different partners in life until I met my one who fit like a glove. Looking back. I received my manifestation, and I am living that life, along with my cousins living their best lives married with children.
But to get to where I wanted to be as an adult and what I had manifested as a child, I realized that all the moments in my life lead up to today. In order to become the woman I am today, my insatiable thirst to travel as a child paid off. It was a dream of mine to go where ever I chose. As a 10 year old, I started to take the train by myself to visit my cousins in the south of Sweden. Hours of travel and only sheer determination of having a great school break away from home. No thoughts about how would I get there or worries. The constant travel to my cousins over the years, sparked another opportunity, when I turned 19. I didn't want to stay in the little town I grew up in. Specially with the strict controlling upbringing and watchful eye of parents and relatives. My destiny had been planned. My parents wanted to marry me off to a stranger. Work at the family restaurant and serve my man without ever voicing my opinion.
Instead of the life planned, I wanted to go to college in a far away land. I wanted to experience a life without restrictions. I felt stuck and believed I had no control over my life. So little did I know that my travels as a fearless young child opened doors for me. I didn't think twice about leaving it all behind and moving to Ireland at the age of 19 on a whim. Later I worked several jobs and put myself through University. Another dream come true.
After graduation I wanted to work for a corporate company, which was sought out by most of the graduates in the city. I had to put in my due diligence at a different company that did not treat their employees well. I didn't know it at the time but my body was rejecting the work place, I had constant vertigo. I felt stuck again. I wanted more. Why couldn't I have more in my life? Was this it?
I finally got the sought out job and was sent to America to train for 2 months.
This job led to a much needed breakup from an emotionally abusive and immatu