Updated: Oct 2, 2019
Love is one of the most sought out feelings regardless of gender, race, and religion. It seems to elude most of us though the concept is simple. Love exists everywhere. The true question is; are we open to receiving?
Do we know where love starts and love ends?
It might seem like a trick question but many individuals place their love in others. But if that person should, to the one left behind it may appear as if love is gone too. Misery kicks in, queue love songs and/or addictions. Why do we hold space for others and entrust our love and happiness to others?
In reality love is not gone, it's just misplaced. True love doesn't end.
Love starts with yourself.
People preach about it, self help books rave about it, but why are we not buying into it?
It's a foreign concept. I don't believe society teaches us to love ourselves first. Individuals that suffer from trauma were taught to be last always. In many cultures, women are taught to serve others while they have no voice, or rights. At the end of the day we need to hold space for ourselves. It seems strange to hold space for yourself, but in owning up to our own value, worth, beauty, creativity, uniqueness etc. Many of us would stand taller and take their rightful place in the world. Teach others how you want to be treated by implementing strong boundaries.
People are natural predators, designed to take down the weak first. Only the strong shall survive. It isn't that you are not strong it's just that you weren't taught or forgot to hold space for yourself and love yourself first. Because if you have a solid foundation of who you are, you would naturally and easily let others know they have crossed your boundaries and announce that it is not accepted. With ease, it becomes easier to say no to events, or tasks that you do not want to do but you some how feel obliged to do. You will be able to retain your energy better instead of draining yourself to uplift others or afraid of disappointing others. You would not give away your love, time, and value to others.
Imagine 3 hula hoops lined up on the ground. You are in the far left, your partner/friend/boss/family member in the far right. You each have a hoop, but you do not share the space you are standing in. The hula hoop is your space, and no-one else's. But what often happens, is that people overstep and go right through your boundaries and into your hula hoop. If you don't know your value, you are probably standing at the back of your hoop. This makes it easier for the predator/invader to kick you out of your space. With a simple push, your balance is shocked and you are out. The boundaries were there to protect you but if you don't know your worth then there will be cracks in the boundaries ( hula Hoop walls) and its easy for a person to step in. Even if you might deny entry once or twice, but you are standing at the back of your hula hoop not holding space for yourself. It will be easy for a predator to see that you will soon let your guard down out of exhaust.
A healthy situation is that each person stands in the middle of their hoop, and each hula hoop overlaps the middle hula hoop. So you are meeting in the middle but still in your own spaces. Think about how often you extend yourself further to accommodate others, that is you giving the other person space in your hoop and filling it with their energy and wants. But if this is the case, someone comes into your space, you just gently push them back into their own, letting them know your boundary. Your thoughts and communication will be clearer, and your confidence heightened as you are not competing or in defense mode in your own space. Thing about it, how can you hula hoop with another person in your hoop?
Before looking for love focus on loving yourself. If you don't believe in yourself, and love yourself than how can another? Love exists everywhere, your want and need for love that you look for in others, find that in yourself first. Focus that effort on what you like. Most people waste the effort and focus on the lack of love in their life, or the waiting for external love. But you can choose to focus on yourself.
What do you like?
What annoys you?
What makes you smile?
How do you want to be loved?
Abraham Hicks often says, stop struggling against the river of life and stop paddling upstream. Just flow down the river and trust. I say stop struggling to find love in all the wrong places and find it within, the rest will follow. Because when you treat yourself well, others will automatically too. Because they can sense it in your energy. When you start to take care of yourself and know what your wants and desires are instead of chasing someone else and trying to fulfill their desires. Well it will become easier to find people that will naturally fall in line with how you live your life authentically. Conversations, contrasts, jobs, life, etc. becomes easier when you are tuned into you. You just have to keep adjusting your frequency and dance to a songs you like.
Love is all around, but it starts with you.